Do you ever feel so lost in your life you don;t know where to turn?

Cause i do.

I have a job that I hate, that now i have to take 10% pay cut.  To be back at the point were i was when i started. Two years ago. So now i can barely aford to live.  Which will make the job that much more stressful. 

I have to deal with the fact some of my friends fucked my girlfriend.  Also have to deal with the massive trust issues i have with people. Becuase of that her.  It wasn't all her fault but I would never cheat...and for my friends...they saw what i was after the last time she did it to me. 

And damit it is the Holidays which i never liked to begin with.  Dealing with family and everyone so fucking happy.  I just need something to numb the mind.

I just need to find i direction in life...maybe moving is the direction i need.  Get out of chicago, leave all this shit behind and find somewhere were i don;t know a soul and start over...

Maybe.

Went out with Ioana again last night, for sushi.  It was really good moved on up to having the raw fish.  Something weird happened last night, after everything i have been through over the last 2 months, i felt comfortable last night. I have this nervous tick that i have had for a long time, i didn't do it the whole time we were out.  I told myself that I will not get involved or really start to even think about dating till the new year.  I have to much baggage right now, I need to figure out myself first.  We have gone out now 4 times, none of which have been 'dates' but I don't know. 

What to do now...cause really i think the only thing i can do is just hang out, we get along great, i mean wtf Notting Hill is one of her favorite movies.  Which has been my secret favorite.